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Author Topic: Are 1st anniversaries always the worst?  (Read 4857 times)

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Offline JustRuby

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Are 1st anniversaries always the worst?
« on: November 04, 2009, 11:49:16 PM »
So i am hurtling toward the 1st anniversary of my best friends death last year. She died very suddenly from a very aggressive breast cancer. She was 28.

Even though I have managed to keep it balanced all year, mostly remembering our good times this month I seem to have lost the plot somewhat. I still miss her dreadfully and selfishly miss her advice, stern talking to's and her lovely lovely sense of humour. I try to keep myself busy but it still ruddy hurts.  I try to be there for her remaining family, her father, brother and feel that their grief is just too strong still to be able to show mine to them. If that makes sense?

I thought time was the great healer, but it still feels like it did when she died. Does it get better? xxxx
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Offline Run DM&C

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Re: Are 1st anniversaries always the worst?
« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2009, 01:15:07 AM »
Awww sorry you are feeling like this but it just goes to show how much she meant to you and you should be proud to have had a friend so special as most people don't.

Don't feel like you can't show your grief to her family. You are grieving too and it may give them strength to know she was loved so much by others

Keep busy, especially on the day. Maybe you could plan something special to remember her and celebrate your life together and make it a tradition for you and C
What about making a book together with photos and things your friend used to say

Big hugs to you both ((((((((((xxxx))))))))))
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Offline infinity67

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Re: Are 1st anniversaries always the worst?
« Reply #2 on: November 05, 2009, 09:47:46 AM »
The longer it takes to get better the better a friend she was.

You obviously feel so lucky to have known her and had a friend as good as her. These things wont just disappear. They are not meant to.

I bet when you are feeling down you know exactly what she would say to you to make you feel better.

You ARE going to miss her, especially an the anniversaries but would you have rather not met her so that you could avoid this heartache? I doubt it

Have a good cry and remember all the good times you had with her. Not many people are lucky enough to make a friendship like that in their life however short.

Sending you massive hugs XX

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Offline jct

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Re: Are 1st anniversaries always the worst?
« Reply #3 on: November 05, 2009, 01:06:22 PM »
Agree with everything Infinity said.

Friends like that are rare. You will miss her forever and cry buckets, but 1 year is still a very short time and hopefully it will get slightly easier as the years go on.

You must have been a lovely friend too, to have had a friend liike that.

Judy

Offline bobbles

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Re: Are 1st anniversaries always the worst?
« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2009, 02:01:18 AM »
I lost my mum at the begining of this year and its killing me, especially when i see or hear something and think i'll tell her about it and then suddenly remember she's not there  :'(  I know it's meant to get easier but its all very raw just now, especially as she died very suddenly. its so tragic she'll never get to see her first grandchild grow up, i feel its so unfair at times.

I hope you got through the first anniversary Just Ruby, i'm dreading mine.

Offline C99

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Re: Are 1st anniversaries always the worst?
« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2009, 08:18:21 AM »

Don't feel like you can't show your grief to her family. You are grieving too and it may give them strength to know she was loved so much by others


I was going to say the same. I lost my dad a couple of weeks ago, and I find it a big comfort to know that others are missing him as much as I am.
Your mileage may vary...

Offline elliefreya

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Re: Are 1st anniversaries always the worst?
« Reply #6 on: November 20, 2009, 09:06:17 AM »
Ruby, sorry I missed this thread entirely, not sure how.

 I really hope you are getting along okay- not sure when the actual anniversary was... I like the idea of doing something special in the day to remember her by, if you did, i hope you found some comfort.

I suppose the idea of "time being a healer" follows in that logically, the 1st anniversary would be the hardest- (feeling it myself at the moment, for different reasons,)  so I hope it eases with time for you hun.

As others have said, focus on the lovely memories, and the special times you spent together, you sound as if you had a truly wonderful friendship. Much love, Lorri xx

Offline monkeys mom

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Re: Are 1st anniversaries always the worst?
« Reply #7 on: January 25, 2010, 10:03:57 PM »
I remember your thread on this last year and how much of a comfort you were to your friend. You were there with her and have so many memories. You shouldn't feel selfish for missing her - what a testament to how good a mate she was and how much you valued each others support and gave it to each other.

I understand about hiding your grief from her family but I'm sure they know how much its hurting and if there is anyone who will be able to understand it will be them.

Everyone handles grief differently and only you know how best to deal with this anniversary.
Sometimes when you give up on someone, its not because you don't care but because you realise that they don't.

 

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