We all have our own story as to how we arrived at the point we're currently at and I thought it might provide some hope and inspiration for newly separated/ bereaved posters if we could all add our stories to the one thread. Let's keep this free of chit chat or tangents (HellsBells !!!) but make it just a simple chain of stories of where we were, where we've been and where we are now. Let's keep the same format The Start, The End, The Now (or as far of this as you've currently achieved)
Guess I'd best begin...
I met my ex after coming out of a 10 year relationship with a childhood sweetheart, someone I loved dearly but unfortunately only like a brother. M. was the complete antithesis to his predecessor, and so very wrong for me, but the appeal was in the difference (as well as the looks!). We had ups and downs from the start but project after project kept us together, the house, the garden, having babies, suddenly when there were no projects......eek ! Also, the product of a very violent upbringing, I really believe my ex is incapable of holding down a relationship. He would treat me like something the cat dragged in whilst being charming to everyone else, I still remember tears burning my eyes on one particular occasion when we were out with friends and he'd called me a "stupid cow".
Enough was enough in 2005, and after many a warning he realised there was no way forward for us. We continued to live together for 8 months and it was a living hell, eventually he moved out and I broke my heart - both out of relief, but also guilty, despite his bad behaviour over the years I still felt consumed with sadness that the happy family he'd always yearned for was breaking up, and he had to leave the home he loved.
I was a complete wreck at this point, not helped by the fact I had absolutely no one to talk to - "friends" suddenly doing a disappearing act, apart from a few stalwarts who didn't really understand. I spent my evenings and nights in tears, every car journey was through tear filled eyes and the lowest point ever came on a car journey one evening just to clear my head. I remember driving on a quiet motorway junction thinking just how easy it would be to just drive over the edge just at that point and it would be much easier for everyone. Thank God that thought lasted only minutes but it was enough to shock myself into reality - even now I fill up just thinking of how low I actually felt at that point.
I still feel sorry for my ex, I don't believe he's moved on as well as I have. Ok, life will never be a bed of roses as a working mum or a single parent, but I'm happy, the kids are balanced, I have a lovely new set of friends and I love my independence. I've also found someone who means the world to me and would never, ever call me names or treat me with such disdain.
The change didn't happen overnight, but I concentrated on rebuilding my social life - initially through a group called Spice who run adult social and adventure events. I had a social life that was the envy of my friends and I realised I was actually beginning to enjoy life and look forward to the next event.
Richard then SWK followed and I've got to say I'm "loving it" and the past, where I would spend months on end with swollen, blood shot eyes really is a "foreign country".