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Author Topic: Single dad...and newbee concerns  (Read 1805 times)

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Single dad...and newbee concerns
« on: July 18, 2017, 10:54:32 PM »
EVening all,

I am after any advice or direction... as I am concerned over what is happening out of my control.

the big question i have is, who decides how much i should give to ex...she wants almost double the csa recommended amount, this will bankrupt me definitely.  She has recently bought a new car and is wanting expensive birthdays, clothes and parties for her and the kids.

My situation is, i dont drink, dont smoke, don't go out.... i live in a very cheap and poor area and drive an older car....so my money is not going anywhere but her, kids and bills.  My house is a 3 bed house with all clothes/furniture for my 2 kids, so its a home for the kids and not a 1 bed flat sleepover type of arrangement therefore any assessor would see both homes as homes rather than her the only one making a home.

My living costs being single and not classed as the main parent are quite high but never missed any payments which are above the csa recommended amount.  Therefore safe to say that as parents we have equal costs and responsibility... except i pay her maintenance (which is fine).


Never married their mum no affairs  on my part but proof of her infidelity later on in relationship and her decision to separate.

CUrrent Circumstances

I have not missed any payments and they have been at an agreed amount, above csa recommendations but i budgetted for it so its fine.

i have not missed any pick ups and have no arrangement limitations and handle two thirds of all holiday cover as her work is less flexible.

she (out of the blue) has demanded twice the amount now, and where we used to have an amicable arrangement where we could discuss all manner of finance or care... she has stopped all regular conversation and moved to email only...very structured and very direct... so she is either taking advice legally or through other channels.

If she can force her request she will force me into financial difficulty and potential bankrupcy this will lose my job as i work in a finance sector so any negative credit entries is deemed gross misconduct. so i need to know legally whether she has any power to force me to pay more than the current level.... and the current level is already above the csa recommendations.

I am not secretly trying to avoid any payments....I am trying to understand whether as a mum she can effectively force payment of any amount she sees fit....

She has recently bought a new car, is buying expensive clothes for her and kids and big parties to compete with other school parents... so she wants a great lifestyle then can afford.

Am I responsible for her lack of financial restraint as well???

If we were still together she still wouldn't have been able to afford what she is doing so she isn't trying to live in a lifestyle she used to have (as she has never had it)..

any thoughts or advice are greatly appreciated.

Offline Ms_wormwood

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Re: Single dad...and newbee concerns
« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2017, 08:29:18 PM »
If I were you I would also get professional advise.
Onwards and upwards.

Offline WT4

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Re: Single dad...and newbee concerns
« Reply #2 on: July 24, 2017, 07:56:23 PM »
Be clear on this ...

Almost everything in your post is irrelevant with respect to the amount of child maintenance.  So far as I recall the only data of note is your earnings (actual), the number of dependent children and the number of nights they stay over with you.

Furthermore there is no connection (in this country) between access/contact and the payment of child maintenance.

Have you considered asking CSA/CMS to handle the assessment and maybe manage the payments too?
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