this is my first time on this forum so be gentle!
The thing is, I need the perspectives of other single mums or dads. My husband and I split 5 years ago. I got left holding the baby so to speak. Due to him behaving in a fairly selfish way over the first couple of years he was able to maintain a social life and meet a new partner. My life has been entirely about my daughter. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety so bad that I sometimes can't leave the house. Due to this I have not been able to hold down a job. In fact it's got much worse over the last 3 years and I now find being around people so overstimulating that my brain completely shuts down. Due to this and being alone with my daughter my life has shrunk to nothing. I am so unbelievably unhappy. My daughter is now 6 and picking up on my mental health problems much more and it's causing her behaviour to be unmanageable at times. She sees her dad much more now, in fact he has her 3 days out of 7 but I still can't seem to get back on my feet. i feel like I'm failing at everything. I can't do a thing about my depression because I don't respond to medication and the side effects are awful. I see a counsellor once a week but I don't feel it's helping. And I think the reason for this is because I'm unhappy and unfulfilled. I have no support because my family are emotionally unavailable and fairly selfish people. My friends have their own problems.
I think constantly about handing her over to her dad but I think it would damage her for life. She has always been very very clingy to me. Even now, at 6, she can't cope with bedtime or handovers. I've always put her first before everything, before my own life and happiness, because that's what I believe good mothers do. But now I'm frustrated, resentful, unhappy and angry. And my daughter is picking up on all of it.
I just can't seem to get afloat no matter what I do. I can't remember what it feels like to feel happy. It feels like my life is over. I miss her so much when she's not here but when she is I want to pack a bag and run away. I keep thinking, if I just had a few weeks to get my life on track and put things in place to help me feel happier and more fulfilled it would be ok but I don't think it's an option.
Am i damaging her by trying to struggle on? Should she go to her dad's? Would she ever get over the abandonment or would she be forever fearful that I was going to disappear again? Is this just my life now?
Any help or advice gratefully received. Has anyone been in this situation and if so, what did you do?