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Author Topic: Ex left me with our 5 month old  (Read 2528 times)

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Offline Annie85

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Ex left me with our 5 month old
« on: June 01, 2016, 11:37:07 AM »
Hello. I'm new to this group and just looking for a bit of advice and support.
My ex and I had a little boy in December, things have been a little bit tough since he arrived but I thought it was just an adjustment period and we would get through it. 3 weeks ago my ex left, with no warning that he was unhappy or thinking of leaving. I'm devastated and don't know what to do. I spend most of my days alone with the baby and in tears. We can't talk without arguing, but need to talk so we can sort out when he sees the baby. He can't understand how I'm feeling and how heartbroken I am that we are no longer a family.
I don't know what to do or how to cope. I'm tired of feeling so sad, down and unloved.

Annie x

Offline Blue Sky

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Re: Ex left me with our 5 month old
« Reply #1 on: June 01, 2016, 12:09:45 PM »
Aw, bless you - similar thing happened to me but when my daughter was 2.  Its tough when they are any age but I really do feel for you when you are still adjusting to life with a little one. 

Do you have family or friends who can help, either by having your baby so you have a break or by literally offering a shoulder to cry on?  Spending too much time alone is not going to be good for you.  You need to try and make an effort to meet other people - even if its hard to get out there and you don't want to.  Sometimes just a few hours of "normal" conversations can help you get some perspective.

Can you put him in a creche for an hour while you go for a swim or something like that?
Speak to your Health visitors or GP
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And the single parent stuff, doesn't mean you are giving up on your relationship, just that at the moment you are a single parent and need support. :)

Don't expect too much from yourself - it all takes time.  In the early days, if I put the bins out and did the dishes that was a good day.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Offline Annie85

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Re: Ex left me with our 5 month old
« Reply #2 on: June 01, 2016, 12:39:48 PM »
I know. He doesn't seem to understand the changes you go through becoming a new mummy. And we did lose our way as a couple, but he never gave us chance to find our way back. Things have just become vicious and nasty between us. It's not who either of us are.
I don't want him to leave, I want to try and be a family. I feel like I've let our little boy down not giving him the chance to be a family😞

I have a fab family and friends! But I don't like to burden them too much. My friends have their own families and lives to think about. And my family are busy with work etc. I feel like the 3rd wheel.

I do swim twice a week and my little boy will either see his dad or my dad has him. But it's the night time and days when he won't stop crying and you need that support, you a rub on the back, hand on the shoulder, someone to cook or distract. I don't eat some night as its just easier not too.

I'm still breast feeding, but due to all the stress I've found it hard to express extra for him to take. But formula gives little one a bad tummy ache and upsets him.

It's all just a mess. I hate sending him to his dad's as I miss him and the house is quiet and empty.
I'm going to see my HV today as I'm just not coping.

Thank you for you reply ☺️ X

Offline Blue Sky

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Re: Ex left me with our 5 month old
« Reply #3 on: June 01, 2016, 01:12:31 PM »
Be a burden to your friends and family!  Now is when you need them - and I am sure they will not view it that way.  You would step up for them.

You do need to take care of yourself - as that is the only way you will be able to take care of your baby.

I know what you mean about the quiet, sometimes its tough with them and tougher without them.  But that is your time to have a relaxing bath, make yourself dinner and do something you enjoy, so your batteries are a bit re-charged for when he is back with you.

Try and take the emotion out of it for now with your ex (I know, easier said than done).  Let him have some space and see what happens.  Sort regular access and stick to it.  Try and keep the conversations to your son. 

And you haven't let your boy down - the parents on here will testify to how happy and healthy and successful kids can be with only one resident parent.  Its still a family, just a smaller one.

Glad you are seeing your HV.  :)

And keep posting on here if you need to.  Site is much quieter than it used to be but there are still loads of people who understand what you are going through and I am sure will have advice.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2016, 01:21:13 PM by Blue Sky »
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Offline Ms_wormwood

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Re: Ex left me with our 5 month old
« Reply #4 on: June 01, 2016, 07:40:37 PM »
Hope the health visitor helped today. These times are tough, when you are finding your groove, but it sounds like you are doing a great job with your son, and yourself!
And honestly don't be too british about accepting, or even asking, for help. I know it's hard, but believe me, it is important.
Onwards and upwards.

Offline Annie85

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Re: Ex left me with our 5 month old
« Reply #5 on: June 03, 2016, 06:56:55 PM »
Thank you. I saw someone from the mental health team and she said I was doing fine. My emotions and feelings were normal for what I'm going through. My HV is fab and very supportive.
I'm kinda getting used to this being alone lark. Finding my groove and getting stronger to stand up for myself.
His dad still sees him everyday, but rather than crying when he comes round now I'm trying to stay strong, smile and act like I'm not bothered.
Just trying to sort out housing and benefits as I'm on Sat Maternity pay and don't want to cut my maternity short just because his dad's being selfish. It's all so confusing though!lol 🙈 X

Offline monkeys mom

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Re: Ex left me with our 5 month old
« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2016, 11:52:54 PM »
Hi,  glad the health visitor was positive and you sound stronger.  Sometimes we just someone to say we're doing OK. 

Xx
Sometimes when you give up on someone, its not because you don't care but because you realise that they don't.

 

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