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Author Topic: I don't want to want him back  (Read 3653 times)

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Offline FRT2539

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I don't want to want him back
« on: February 29, 2016, 12:14:43 PM »
My partner of four and a half years left me and his kids on Thursday. This is the second time it's happened, I feel like such a mug but I miss him  :'( I don't want to! I hate feeling like this, it's so weak. Time can't be the only healer surely....?

Offline Foggy

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Re: I don't want to want him back
« Reply #1 on: February 29, 2016, 06:54:44 PM »
Time and personal courage and self-belief.  Try to concentrate on building a secure little family unit for you and the kids. Look into yourselves for a while, not outward at ifs and maybes.

Offline WT4

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Re: I don't want to want him back
« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2016, 10:58:09 AM »
Shut the door.
Close your heart.
Give yourself time to heal.
Two things we give our children: roots & wings

Offline monkeys mom

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Re: I don't want to want him back
« Reply #3 on: March 01, 2016, 12:23:52 PM »
Four and a half years is a long time and I'd be more surprised if you weren't upset. But ask yourself do you miss him? or do you miss what you thought you had? You say this is the second time so when he came back after the first time did anything change? if so was it enough and if nothing changed then why would anything improve?

Are you really happy with him or is a case of better the devil you know?

A man walking in and out of your (and your kids) life isn't good for anyone and if the reasons why he walks out can't be sorted (and they should have been sorted after the first time) then do you really want to live like that?

Even if you know in your heart that it's not going to work it will still hurt and at this early stage you're going to grieve for what you feel you've lost....but you will start to focus on things clearer the more distance you gain.

Go easy on yourself and spend time with the kids but get some friends round too, cry, shout, write how you feel down on paper as a way of getting it out but make sure you chuck it away afterwards.

Post on here and have a look at some of the events coming up.
MM x
Sometimes when you give up on someone, its not because you don't care but because you realise that they don't.

Offline FRT2539

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Re: I don't want to want him back
« Reply #4 on: March 02, 2016, 09:25:13 PM »
Wish I could just fast forward until I feel better. I don't know if I miss him or the idea of him and is being a family, I just hope that time does heal and that we don't just learn to live with this hurt. Thanks for your replies xx

Offline WT4

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Re: I don't want to want him back
« Reply #5 on: March 02, 2016, 10:17:49 PM »
It will come.

One day at a time ... one hurdle at a time.

Then one day you'll find yourself looking back at how far you've come.
Two things we give our children: roots & wings

Offline monkeys mom

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Re: I don't want to want him back
« Reply #6 on: March 07, 2016, 11:10:58 AM »
How are things today FRT?

Sometimes rather than looking at being without him it can help to just think of being apart for a while. Tell yourself you'll use this little bit of space to think about what you want, what you get from the relationship, how you want your children to grow up etc but focus on thinking time.

That way no matter what happens you'll be in a much better place to tackle it based on what you do want...and  you may just find that he isn't a part of that.

MM x
Sometimes when you give up on someone, its not because you don't care but because you realise that they don't.

Offline Bexie83

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Re: I don't want to want him back
« Reply #7 on: May 20, 2017, 03:26:56 PM »
I'm feeling lost my partner moved out 5days ago 3 children he even turned round and said you never know what will happen in the future between us,why is he giving me faulse hope I really miss him and I begged him not to leave but he has gone and he has his own place I know deep down he won't come back but my heart is holding on to the maybe one day he will want me.
I'm devastated and such a mess will this pain stop or will he come back

Offline Ms_wormwood

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Re: I don't want to want him back
« Reply #8 on: May 21, 2017, 09:41:47 AM »
The pain will stop, I promise. I won't lie and say it'll be quick, but it will go.
When my ex moved out my doctor suggested grief counseling, which helped. Not that I'm saying mourning a death of a spouse is the same, but you are mourning the death of your relationship. There are the same five stages, anger for me lasted the longest.... it sounds like he is in denial too... it is very difficult to let go, and although he no longer loves you, he sounds like he cares for you, you have shared a lot and he cannot shut his feelings off for you, giving you hope is a way to soften the blow.

I went to RELATE. Maybe see if there is something like that still.

Good luck, and come to SWK meets with the kids and see the otherside of this.
Onwards and upwards.

 

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