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Author Topic: It's all going pear shaped!  (Read 3052 times)

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It's all going pear shaped!
« on: February 04, 2016, 11:54:23 AM »
Hello All,

I have some difficult decisions to make and not sure if anyone can help but as you are all single parents even if you can't help at least you will understand.

I have been on my own for 13 years bringing the children up on my own with minimal support from my (abusive) ex.

My daughter is due to be 18 in 3 weeks and has struggled with school life and college life to the point that she has suffered anxiety and self harm in year 10. 

She is currently not working and waiting for her CBT counselling to start in March after a long waiting list. 

I started working full time 8 months ago after having a part time job becuase I felt that both my children were old enough for me to work longer hours.

My son is 14 and has now had a meltdown about school after an incident with the French Teacher ridiculling him in class and shouting at him and he is currently now not attending school at all.

My brother has tried to support me by coming to talk to my son and even try coming down in the mornings to get him out of bed to get him to go.

The stress of him being at home and me trying to work and my daughter turning 18 with no job is taking a toll on my health.

I have been in contact with my ex to ask for his support with helping me talk to the school and my son but he is not being very coorporative.

Money is going to get tighter if my ex doesn;t continue to pay maintenance and obviously I will lose other benefits once my daughter turns 18 in 3 weeks.

I am currently off sick from work with the stress of trying to sort it all out and just needed time to think.

I work for the NHS and they are being very supportive and have said they can offer support and a flexible working arrangement.  This is great but I don't know what to choose for the best as a reduction in hours will impact money again and keeping my hours means I am leaving my son at home not attending school.

At the moment i want to sell my house, rent for a while to alleviate all the stress and worry, but is that a good idea??!

SWK please DO NOT post this on facebook. Thank you


I have

Offline Ms_wormwood

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Re: It's all going pear shaped!
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2016, 08:59:40 PM »
I would seriously think about selling and renting, renting is generally more expensive. Maybe downsize, or negotiate with the mortgage provider for new terms.....
Apart from that I can not advise, sorry
Onwards and upwards.

Offline WT4

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Re: It's all going pear shaped!
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2016, 10:50:30 PM »
That's shocking behaviour be the teacher.  Do you have the energy to take on the school?  I have found the children feel more able to face things head od if they know I've got their back.

Echo the advice above about rent vs mortgage.
Two things we give our children: roots & wings

Offline monkeys mom

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Re: It's all going pear shaped!
« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2016, 12:06:04 PM »
Don't know where you are based but I'd get Parent Partnership (now called SEND) involved to help sort issues at school as it sounds like if your son was happy at school you'd be able to work and remove some stress of both worrying about finances and worrying about your son's wellbeing.

The number for SEND will be on the council's website (whoever looks after education in your area).

I've been through a very similar life and it's not your son that's at fault here so talking to him etc is unlikely to resolve things and just puts more responsibility at his door.

SEND are great at pulling in the right professionals when needed - whether its an educational psychologist or clinical psychologist (I prefer the first as the second once again puts the onus on the child to change to fit in rather than the school accommodating the child). Plus schools can tend to listen more to professionals than to parents.

I too fought hard to hang onto my house, not just for financial reasons but it's my home and the upheaval would have added more problems than it would have solved.

Try to treat these two issues separately - the need for support for your children and the financial budgeting for the household.

You've battled for a long time but you can do this
MM x
Sometimes when you give up on someone, its not because you don't care but because you realise that they don't.


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