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Author Topic: newly single and struggling  (Read 3291 times)

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Offline mummyof3

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newly single and struggling
« on: December 22, 2014, 11:56:44 AM »
hi im a new single mum this is the 3rd week now, have 3 young children 11,6 and 5, I had the whole don't love you anymore speech then he moved out straight to another womans house, she has 2 young kids herself, altho he did lie for the first 2 weeks saying he was at his familys, im struggling so much to accept it all, how he can just move out straight to someone else, how long was it actually going on for behind my back, im left to pick the pieces up while he is playing happy familys with them, how do u actually get thru it ? I wake up most mornings forgetting its happened then when it comes back to me I just don't want to get up but I have to for the kids,  I have some great friends and family but don't like to keep going on to them all the time. its so hard when he comes to see kids as we have to watch him walk away to go back to be with them, does it get easier ? xx

Offline Foggy

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Re: newly single and struggling
« Reply #1 on: December 22, 2014, 12:03:22 PM »
Hi there. I was in the same situation as you, in that my wife left us ( me and a then 6 year old lad) to move in with her boyfriend (who I only found out about a few days after she moved out).

I can't lie, it hurts like hell, as you know. But .. it DOES get better. Focus on the kids and get through each day at a time .... TEAM US (you and the kids) will get through it .

I am two years down the line and I have gotten over it .... don't get me wrong, the wounds are still there, but they are healing faster every day.

Offline WT4

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Re: newly single and struggling
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2014, 09:34:48 AM »
Hello

Sorry you have to go through this.

Some have said that separation evokes similar reactions/feelings to death.  If my own experience is anything to go by, you will certainly feel those stages as you head towards release.

One day at a time, small steps, one hurdle at a time.  You will get there.

Peace.
Two things we give our children: roots & wings

Offline jenniferpie

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Re: newly single and struggling
« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2017, 05:23:37 PM »
how are you getting on?  I am new to this too and felt for you when I read your email. I wrote a book about my experience and journaling helps a lot. You are able to forgive but you should never forget.   Journaling is good.   Also any unkindnesses on both sides are bad for the children.  You are stuck with your ex for ever if you have children.  In general, and it is not always true, men will leave only if there is another woman to go to. They will lie about how long they have been with the other woman.  In some cases this will be for years. (In mine it was for seven years).   It will never be a 'just met' thing.  And they will usually lie to the grave.  (they will not under any circumstances want to look bad in front of their children, friends, work colleagues even if it means lying through their teeth).   But kindness is important. 
Also check out your mutual friends.  It is difficult to 'be friends with both'.   I would say it is impossible for you if not for them so allow the friends to choose for you. Don't mourn those who don't choose you. They were not your friends.  This may leave you with next to no one, but at least you know, don't you?   And there is opportunity to make new friends. 
As for the children, they are your focus, your distraction, your joy.    My ex was/is controlling with money. This will not change. The law protects you.   If they are abusive with money they will stay that way. Some people learn from experiences - others do not.  This is just the way it is.     Don't let friends stoke anger, choose those who are pragmatic, never knew your ex and will lead you to talk about anything and everything NOT to do with your past.   Choose a counsellor and be honest with them.  If it doesn't work, choose another one.  Therapy works but like anything, its who you choose.    Different styles work for different people.   In my experience divorce is worse than death.    In death you are able to mourn and remember the good times. In divorce, the bugger never dies and you are reminded what an a-hole they are every time you see them and they open their mouth.  Or not.   Any way, hope you are ok

 

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