how are you getting on? I am new to this too and felt for you when I read your email. I wrote a book about my experience and journaling helps a lot. You are able to forgive but you should never forget. Journaling is good. Also any unkindnesses on both sides are bad for the children. You are stuck with your ex for ever if you have children. In general, and it is not always true, men will leave only if there is another woman to go to. They will lie about how long they have been with the other woman. In some cases this will be for years. (In mine it was for seven years). It will never be a 'just met' thing. And they will usually lie to the grave. (they will not under any circumstances want to look bad in front of their children, friends, work colleagues even if it means lying through their teeth). But kindness is important.
Also check out your mutual friends. It is difficult to 'be friends with both'. I would say it is impossible for you if not for them so allow the friends to choose for you. Don't mourn those who don't choose you. They were not your friends. This may leave you with next to no one, but at least you know, don't you? And there is opportunity to make new friends.
As for the children, they are your focus, your distraction, your joy. My ex was/is controlling with money. This will not change. The law protects you. If they are abusive with money they will stay that way. Some people learn from experiences - others do not. This is just the way it is. Don't let friends stoke anger, choose those who are pragmatic, never knew your ex and will lead you to talk about anything and everything NOT to do with your past. Choose a counsellor and be honest with them. If it doesn't work, choose another one. Therapy works but like anything, its who you choose. Different styles work for different people. In my experience divorce is worse than death. In death you are able to mourn and remember the good times. In divorce, the bugger never dies and you are reminded what an a-hole they are every time you see them and they open their mouth. Or not. Any way, hope you are ok