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Author Topic: Newly single  (Read 2899 times)

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Offline Sally-Cinnamon

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Newly single
« on: July 20, 2014, 08:24:29 PM »
hello,

First post so please be gentle with me  :)

My husband left me in May after 15 years together and 3 children, he just packed his bags and left after a row. Looking back we probably hadn't been getting on for a while but I didn't think it was that bad, anyway over the last 2 months it has been a bit of a nightmare as he keeps changing his mind and coming back and then leaving again. He tells me he loves me but find it had to live with me!

I am now 99% sure it has been decided its all over, some days are good and I feel really positive about the future, and other days I'm just scared of being on my own, I've been with my husband since we were 17 and it feels strange not to have him around any more. I'm living in our lovely house with the children as it close to school and he is renting a room in a share house! (his choice). He has the boys every other weekend and Tuesday evenings but I find it so hard him coming to the house, I just don't want to see him and I'm scared I'll get upset. when he dropped the children off today I hid in the kitchen and let them come to me so I didn't have to see him on the doorstep.

I'm rambling a bit I know but its been a bad day. Would love to hear anyone else's positive single parenting or any advise on dealing with ex's on the doorstep.

Offline sar

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Re: Newly single
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2014, 09:30:27 PM »
Hi Sally,
Just wanted to say hello.
I'm sorry to hear life is so tough for you and you're having such a difficult time. Its is so hard to work through break ups, and it sounds like you've had a lot to get your head around.
Even after 6 years I sometimes find the doorstep pleasantries difficult but the best way is just to keep it short and sweet. Keep it pleasant for your boys and focus only on them. You don't need to look at him if it hurts, just smile at them and show them you're okay - however hard that is.
In the early days it can help if you've a friend who can be with you at these times for a little moral support? It got me through on the worst of days!
Sending love and I hope things get easier soon
Sarah xx

Offline WT4

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Re: Newly single
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2014, 10:14:33 AM »
Hello

/waves from Twickenham

Early days can be tough ... especially when you still have a whole heap of unanswered questions.

Having a friend around for support & company is a really useful idea to help avoid awkward doorstep scenes.

Try to keep yourself busy and simply tackle one hurdle at a time ... you can't do everything at once.

Being strong for your little ones is good for them and helps you get into the habit.

Make some time for you ... you'll be a better parent and better able to deal with challenges if you're sleeping, eating and living well.

Oh ... do you have a tent?
Two things we give our children: roots & wings

Offline Sally-Cinnamon

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Re: Newly single
« Reply #3 on: July 22, 2014, 07:31:02 PM »
Thank you both for replying.  I bumped into ex husband tonight in local shop, thought I would be pleasant and said hello and he completely blanked me  >:( I think that made things a little easier now we've got the first seeing each other out they way and I did come away thinking what a complete idiot to ignore me.

Thanks WT4 I do own a tent, I had a large 8 man tent that I cant put up on my own so recently traded in for a 5 man tent. I've booked me and the boys a few holidays on here  to cheer myself up  and I can meet other single parents. We have booked wicksteed camp for the end of august, so I shall be getting my tent out then. Really looking forwards to it ;D

Offline WT4

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Re: Newly single
« Reply #4 on: July 22, 2014, 10:23:14 PM »
Complete Idiot is a useful metafor in the early stages of separation :)

See you at Wicksteed then ... wouldn't miss it ... which reminds me I need a new kettle.
Two things we give our children: roots & wings

Offline Deborah43

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Re: Newly single
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2014, 10:33:16 PM »
Hi Sally-C :)

It can all be a bit of a nightmare but trust me, you've done a great thing in booking a camping trip with the rest of (us?  I may or may not be at Wicksteed as it's officially his weekend....)

Anyway, get yourself there and get chatting and you'll soon wonder why you were fretting.  Yes, when you get back to the every-day stuff of life it'll seem hard but you'll soon figure out a way to make it all work. x
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."

 

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