There was a reason that I asked this question and now by your responses I feel a lot better about myself. Prior to posting this I was feeling guilty and overwhelmed by those feelings of guilt. Now I don't. So thank you to everyone who has responded.
I think it is fair to say that we all lead busy lives, some of us work, some of us don't, some work part time, some work full time but the one thing that you guys all have in common with me is that you have children or a child and I am sick to death of being compared with either my cousin (who is retired and childless or my mother's friends family who quite frankly should be very careful standing with their back near walls for fear of their wings crumpling or the halos being knocked off their heads
If I hear one more time XXXX's daughter rings her mother most days, they see her every weekend. I hasten to add the friend of my mother has 4 daughters!! So as explained to my mother if each daughter saw her mother once a month that still leaves a gap of 3 weeks for each individual daughter to carry on with their own lives.
I. on the otherhand have a busy demanding job, am a single parent with a teenager living at home (and all that entails), have housework and a house to maintain, shopping and all the other bits that we all have to do. I usually call my mother once a week and arrange to see her 1 weekend a month. Either she comes to me or I go to her. More often or not I go to her. I might add that I have two grown up children that live away from home that also visit her as well, or take her out.
She is a sprightly 75 year old. If she was a poorly 75 year old that would be another matter entirely but she's not. She has friends, one of whom she sees most days (that would drive me bats, but we are not all alike I know lol). Her friends don't drive and my mum does so she is often out taking her friends to appointments, shopping expeditions, visiting her friend's grandchild etc etc. In other words she has a very good social life which she conducts midweek while I'm working. However at weekends, my down time, I am made to feel guilty because I don't visit at weekends except once a month. I don't go around to her house and do jobs to "look after my investment" (this is meant by the house where she lives is willed to me on her death). Have any of you ever had this said to you. Never in a million years have I ever told my kids (22 and 24) that ,even though I struggle to get things done at home being a single parent, please come around and look after my house and "look after your investment". Really!!
When I do go around, providing its not peeing with rain I'll cut her grass, otherwise she can cut it herself. I mean, she has all week to do so and is more than capable. I already cut my brother's grass (he is disabled and unable to get the lawn mower up the step - its a struggle on my own to do it, but I manage!! Just call me sampsonette lol
The other thing that really gets my goat (having a good ole whinge sorry) is that since my ex and I split up she and he are on such good terms. Shame they couldn't have made the effort when we were married!!! She will tell me oh xxxx did so and so for me when he popped over, he's so helpful and he's coming over for dinner next weekend to do so and so. She even went with them on holiday last summer, booked and paid for before I found out about it. There is a separate thread on here about it somewhere!! Again priceless!
I used to say to my mother that I love her a lot but at the moment I find it so hard to express that feeling towards her. I feel resentment and hurt. Wow, first time admitted that!!
I don't want to feel like this but I just can't help it. A lot of anger and frustration coming to the surface and I just know that one day soon I'm going to explode! So that folks is why I asked the question in the first place!!
Then I read a post like FarFarAway and think cripes I'm lucky that I still have mum (dad's gone). Very very mixed emotions!!