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Author Topic: Loss of a Mother  (Read 6512 times)

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Offline Sara7

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Loss of a Mother
« on: April 01, 2011, 03:53:38 AM »
I don't usually talk about this as it is so utterly painful that it s difficult to handle but... lying in bed at 3:30 am on the morning of Sara's birthday, I should be fast asleep and happy.

Yet as it is also my Mother's birthday, I am unable to sleep, tears unstoppable. My Mother passed away almost eight years ago, when Sara was exactly 10 weeks old. I am far from accepting or 'over' it and the pain is still immense.

She was my very best friend and her love for me such that I will never experience again. I miss everything... her scent, her voice, our endless gossip, days out, dinner parties, long phone calls, coffee or even just watching TV together.

I'm also so sad Sara will never know her. So jealous and in pain when I see mothers with both their mother and child out and about.

I very rarely open up about this as fear the reaction it may bring but can't sleep, in deep pain so trying this avenue of vent.

Memories are so very painful. Time has not healed almost at all. There is so much still to be done and said together and not a day goes by without the desparate ache of missing her. Although no-one would know as I'm generally outwardly fine and happy.

Although perhaps very sensitive soul type people may pick up on my deep rooted sadness.

Eight years may seem long, yet in losing my Mother, seems no time at all, in terms of healing. I will have to live with this forever.

Have considered grief counselling but am terrified feelings may be brought to the surface, such that are unbearable and I wouldn't be able to handle.

Well, I've opened up. Perhaps it will help.





Offline Happimamma

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Re: Loss of a Mother
« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2011, 05:57:15 AM »
Sara,

Just read this and I have not experienced the loss of a loved one but offering you a hug ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Sara))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I think though that your opening up can only be therapeutically good for you. I find personally when I have had deeply emotional issues that I have not shared with anyone, nothing really changes until such time that I do share and just that act has helped me to process things.

Seems so unfair doesn't it?  One day I will have to leave my daughter, me being fifty and she being four, I am going to write her a letter to say everything I want to say and if I can be watching over her after passing that is what I shall do!

Living for the Now has a lot going for it imo - to savour every moment because we don't know how long we have got. ourselves or our loved one's.

There is a healing process called 'the journey'.  I have done it twice.  It is intended for help when one has a physical problem, in order to get to the emotional route but I think it may be useful in your case if you are ever of a mind to go for it and unleash your grief fully.  It takes 2 or 3 hours and you are guided on an inner journey in which you get to a place of almost over-whelming fear - you go through it and Wow!  That's when you feel bliss, love, understanding and a great relief, clarity etc....and you are lead to an inner bonfire where you meet your Mother and have a conversation with her.  Heavy stuff but so healing.  You have to be ready.

Anyway, Go Gently on yourself,

Kendra




Offline Stuart

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Re: Loss of a Mother
« Reply #2 on: April 01, 2011, 06:58:05 AM »
Hi Sara,

The Birthday's of our parents who have sadly passed will always be an emotional time, I was the same on Monday when my Dad would have been 72 and two weeks earlier my Mum's birthday who has also passed both in the last three years. I definately think it will help you to open up it is something I am still learning to do myself after having so much to deal with the last few years but I would say it is not a bad thing.

You will always have your memories to talk about with your daughter and children love knowing about where they come from and since the funerals and having all my parents old paperwork and photos it has helped me fill in some blanks for my daughter as well which I find really helps the healing process.

Losing a parent will always be something hard to deal with and you are not alone in how you have been feeling, I have had some pretty wierd dreams myself this week, but I have to say as I open up myself it does get easier.

Good luck

Stuart

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Offline Ann Stig (official SWK booking name)

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Re: Loss of a Mother
« Reply #3 on: April 01, 2011, 08:33:36 AM »
((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I do believe opening up is the key to healing.  You have done the right thing and there are people who understand.

I lost my dad 10 years ago and my brother last year, but i've had people about to talk about it with.  Do you have any siblings or a dad to talk to?  Share common memories and laugh?

Ann x

Offline helencitauk

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Re: Loss of a Mother
« Reply #4 on: April 01, 2011, 03:39:31 PM »
Hi Sara,

I'm sorry to hear about your grief. Only you can know if you want to go down the bereavement counselling route - I think it depends not just on your sadness but on whether you feel it is affecting your life in a way that you find unacceptable and want to change.

Helen x
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Offline Sara7

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Re: Loss of a Mother
« Reply #5 on: March 29, 2012, 11:31:20 PM »
It's been ages since I last visited this forum and have just seen this post of mine.

It's coming up to that time of year again and I want to thank all who have replied with kind words - it's good to read them again now.

Happimamma, the thought of meeting my Mum by a bonfire and having a conversation has completely made me cry again but it's also utterly beautiful.

I'm still terrified of what grief councelling or similar may do, what uncontrollable emotions may be brought out, so haven't dared explore this yet. Perhaps I need more time, although I can't really see myself feeling any differently, even as time passes. It's been close to nine years now.

So...perhaps some type of grief work is what is required, after all. Catch 22.

Offline Cushion Plumper

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Re: Loss of a Mother
« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2012, 08:39:24 PM »
I have just found this post and read it for the first time.

It has made me realise that I sometimes take my mum for granted.  She is nearly 79, very fit and healthy and helps me out heaps with my childcare.  I can't imagine a day when she's not around, but I know that one day it will come and I too, will be devastated.

I am now going to ring her up and tell her I love her and see if she wants to go out for lunch in the week on my day off - my treat.
It doesn't matter where you go in life, what you do or how much you have; it's who you have beside you...

Offline georgie_3

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Re: Loss of a Mother
« Reply #7 on: August 12, 2012, 10:36:25 PM »
Hi

I've only just seen these threads!

I haven't been through this, but my mum lost both of her parents quite young.  She never had counselling after her dad died, but when her mum followed fourteen years later, it tore her appart!! 
She didn't speak about her dad an awful lot, but did on occasion.  She didn't talk about her mum a great deal either.  I spoke about my gran for a long time.  I talk to her sometimes now, in times of need.
My mum went for counselling ad found it very helpfull!  She still sometimes gets quite upset that they're not here to share our lives.  Although it's not nice to go places you would rather avoid, it is necessary to get them out and therefore deal with them, otherwise they will carry on being a problem.

Sometimes, as this has proven in the case of single parent hood and associated problems, talking with other people in the same situation is helpful?  Have a look in yellow pages for any appropriate groups?

I hope that you find a way of lessoning the pain. 

Take care

Georgie

 

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