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Author Topic: Jasmine and Jess  (Read 5756 times)

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Offline Dora

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Jasmine and Jess
« on: January 09, 2011, 11:43:22 PM »
The two babies I lost through miscarriage would have been 3 and 4 this month. I'm ok about it, their loss will never leave me but I have learnt to live with it.

It just feels so sad that no-one else other than me remembers them. So many people don't understand miscarriage and think because I lost them early it wasn't a real baby, or because I have E that replaces them, but it doesn't. They were real people, with them came my hopes and dreams, my chance to be a mum.

I can remember every part of the miscarriages like it was yesterday. I don't have any scan pictures of the first baby, Jasmine, but I can still remember the scan and seeing her on the screen - her heart never started beating. The second baby Jess, her heart did start beating and I do have a scan of her.

I always feel a bit sad the month of January because I don't have exact birthdates for them. I still think about what could have been, but it doesn't hurt so much now, I just miss them. I guess it is hard for some people to understand how you can miss someone you never actually met, but they were my babies. The devastation of losing them is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through.

They paved the way for E though. If I hadn't have had the two miscarriages, I wouldn't have found out what was wrong with me and I wouldn't have had the right treatment during my 3rd pregnancy to help carry her full term. I'm so grateful and lucky to have E. If it wasn't for them, I may not have E, so no matter how tiny they were, or the fact that only I remember them, they played a huge role in their short lives and I am proud to be their mum.
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder…”– Thoreau

Offline Happimamma

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Re: Jasmine and Jess
« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2011, 06:54:48 AM »
Peapod,

Jasmine and Jess came to you for a reason or maybe more than one reason - Maybe as souls they wanted or needed to mix with your energy for reasons of their own evolution.  Maybe we do have more than one life and you will be with them again or maybe we just pass over once from the one life and you will be with them again one day. It is a hard life isn't it the things we have to bear.  I really admire your attitude / outlook - You have aknowledged them both publically here so that a few people other than yourself can aknowledge them, you express your sadness openly and further to that aknowledge their role in bringing E into existance.

Jasmine and Jess may be proud of their roles and you may be proud of yours for their surely can be no greater role or joy or sometimes pain than that of a Mother.

Little souls Jasmine and Jess - Bless you both - sisters passed to spirit and smiling proud and at peace with their earth sister and Mummy.

You live on in our thoughts.

Kendra


Offline helencitauk

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Re: Jasmine and Jess
« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2011, 03:42:10 PM »
Hi Leigh,

Yes, of course Jasmine and Jess were really people! Fortunately, I've not had a miscarriage but I know what you mean. When I was carrying my daughter I interacted with her, felt that she was her own independent little person ;), even though she was very small and I didn't know what she looked like.

Helen x
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Offline danensis

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Re: Jasmine and Jess
« Reply #3 on: January 10, 2011, 08:46:40 PM »
My mum had a miscarriage when I was 12. I still feel a loss for the sibling I never had, but that must be as nothing compared to how a mother must feel.

John
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Offline Summer

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Re: Jasmine and Jess
« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2011, 09:23:16 PM »
I too am a fortunate one.  My thoughts are with you and your little ones.  x

Offline hells bells

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Re: Jasmine and Jess
« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2011, 11:11:10 PM »
Leigh I felt everyword, and Kendra, am totally with you on your reply

When I was going through IVF I had two miscarriages ... both early on, once on the first attempt and once when I was carrying Aimee (I have never been so frightened and so relieved at the same time when I eventually had a scan to see she was still there).  But neither are ever forgotten.  I believe that things happen for a reason even if we dont know what it is at the time.

Recently Aimee had to choose some poems at school and give reasons why she liked them - this one I wanted to share

There's a friend for little children
above the bright blue sky
a friend who never changes
whose love will never die
our earthly friends may fail us
and change with changing years
this Friend is always worthy
of that dear name he bears


There's a home for little children
above the bright blue sky
where jesus reigns in glory
a home of peace and joy
no home on earth is like it
nor can with it compare
and everyone is happy
nor could be happier there

xxx
Friends are like diamonds - hard to find and very precious to keep xxx

Offline Dora

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Re: Jasmine and Jess
« Reply #6 on: January 11, 2011, 07:04:02 PM »
Thank you for all your kind words, it feels so much better knowing that they have been thought of by others. They are too special to be hidden away. However, it feels like I can only do that on a forum like this - if I mention them in real life, I find it is usually brushed under the carpet or not understood.
Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder…”– Thoreau

Offline Beverley

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Re: Jasmine and Jess
« Reply #7 on: January 11, 2011, 10:34:59 PM »
Thinking of you and sending my love x x x
I understand what you have been thru and time does make it better but you never forget. My baby boy would be 10 this year and January is hard for me too.

Offline Sujo1

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Re: Jasmine and Jess
« Reply #8 on: January 11, 2011, 11:58:22 PM »
Sending love to everyone who has loved & lost babies xxxx

You may, with time, learn to cope with the loss but you never forget. You still think what might have been and think about what stage they would have been at ie walking, starting school.  My little girl would have been nearly 5 and my other baby (unsexed) would have been 4.

Apart from 6 counselling sessions at the time and the occasional conversation with J, when he talks about his loss of his siblings, I too have not mentioned them in real life.

If ever you want to talk about your babies, with someone who does understands, you know where I am Leigh xxxx << HUGS >>

 

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