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Author Topic: Turned a big corner  (Read 9708 times)

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Offline neil

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Turned a big corner
« on: February 01, 2010, 10:59:05 PM »
Well it's going to be 2 years in April since I lost my wife.

Today was her birthday and it's actually been a good day. Went for a walk this morning on the beach where her ashes are scattered. After school we bought a ballon and we all wrote a little message and attached it to the balloon and released it. Tonight we've had a birthday cake. Certainly more smiles than tears in our house today.

I know that 12 months ago there is no way I would have been capable of doing the ballon and cake but today it felt like a day we could celebrate and think of as a good day rather than one we have to dread.

Christmas had been ok for us as well so I haven't spent the last 4 weeks dreading the thought of today, which is what happened last year.

I am finally beginning to believe there is a life out there for me and can feel a lot of the old "me" has slowly been returning. Have even found lots of improvements in my social life over the last few weeks  :)

I know April will perhaps not be as easy but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

For anyone out there suffering from a loss all I can say is the memories never fade but slowly but surely the pain does and there is hope out there and there is still a life to be lived

Neil

Offline danensis

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2010, 11:07:47 PM »
Neil, I'm really pleased that you are beginning to see that things will improve. Nothing will give us back what we have lost, but our loved ones wouldn't want us to mope for ever. Take one day at a time, and eventually you'll realise that things have moved on. You'll still have your memories, but you will have new experiences to add to them. Onwards and upwards.

John
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity

Offline hells bells

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2010, 11:10:19 PM »
really glad you have had a lovely day today - as john says, one step at a time hun xxx
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Offline Silver Lining

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2010, 11:11:38 PM »
Oh Neil, I've got tears in my eyes.  Nothing more to say.

C xx
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Offline elliefreya

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2010, 11:12:20 PM »
Neil, this is really heartwarming to hear. I am so glad that you and the kids have been able to celebrate today. Your kids are total, absolute little stars, and are a total credit to you and your wife.  Sending you all a huge great big hug, Much love, xxx

Offline Smiler :-)

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2010, 11:19:11 PM »
WOW   after reading that I don't really know what to say, but I didn't want to read it and move on...   

Its the strength and support of you and the children which has made today a memorable day and well done to you all, you should be proud.

lots of love
Sarah xxxx
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Offline Run DM&C

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2010, 11:26:04 PM »
It's fab that you are all feeling more positive about things and that you have been able to celebrate today.
It's days and actions like this that will start to make more happy memories for you that you are able to do something together on these special days.

As for April, just take it one day at a time and go with the flow. You will get there and should be proud of how far you have all come

Your kids are an absolute credit to you and I for one am proud to call you my friend xxx   :)
'Life should  NOT  be a journey to the grave with the intention of  arriving  safely in an attractive and well preserved  body, but rather  to skid in sideways -   Chardonnay   in one  hand - chocolate in  the other - body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and   screaming 'WOO  HOO, What a  Ride

Offline Silky

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #7 on: February 01, 2010, 11:29:41 PM »
I think many of us read your long post around this time last year Neil, with tears flowing down our cheeks. Only those who've experienced the loss of someone so close could begin to know what you're feeling, the rest of us can only offer our deepest sympathy and ....as ever the case on here....our shoulders.

It's heartwarming to hear things are improving step by step. They say the first anniversaries (of absolutely anything) are always the worst and I guess there's never a time when the pain goes completely, but it's great that the haze of sadness is thinning and you can smile rather than cry at the memories.

Love and best wishes to you all on this special day,

Silky x
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Offline Beanzie

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #8 on: February 02, 2010, 12:03:54 AM »
It was so lovely to read that moving post Neil.
It must have taken an immense amount of pain and hardwork to reach the point where you could mark today with lovely new memories for you and your wonderful kids.
Well done you on turning that corner and I hope you all continue on the path of recovery, you deserve it!

B x

Offline toot

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2010, 08:02:20 AM »
neil what a lovely post . im so glad that your feeling more positive and that you had a good day yesterday with the kids  :D

Offline TravellingChick

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #10 on: February 02, 2010, 08:16:50 AM »
Hi neil,  so glad to hear that you've had a good day and can see some rays of sunshine coming thru the clouds now.

S
xx

Offline jct

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #11 on: February 02, 2010, 08:26:31 AM »
Best wishes Neil to you and your family, you are doing so well. Your post is very moving.

Judy

Offline infinity67

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #12 on: February 02, 2010, 10:31:45 AM »
Thats wonderful Neil. So pleased for you and the kids. I love the balloon idea and having a birthday cake.

Perhaps you can make it a kind of competition for the kids to think of something similar and happy to do in April
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Offline CB2

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #13 on: February 02, 2010, 01:36:07 PM »
A lovely post, it is so good to hear about the good times.

So pleased things as slowly getter better for you all.
Life is what you make it.

Offline Mia

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #14 on: February 02, 2010, 01:46:36 PM »
That's such a positive post, really touching.

We've not met before but you sound like you have your head screwed on the right way :-)

For April, could you maybe do something celebratory on the beach each year? Given the kids are still quite young maybe you could draw her some sand pictures or make sandcastles, take pictures of them, pop them in an album and you'll see how they get better each year as they get older. 

A sad anniversary but maybe a way to create some more happy memories for all of you?

Ami x
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Offline gypsy

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #15 on: February 02, 2010, 03:57:18 PM »
neil ...............that made me cry............

you have done so so amazing................cross april when april comes - as others have said take it one step at a time

but along with debs i am so proud to call you my friend and also your 4 kids are such a credit to you and i love the bones of all of them

be so proud of yourself neil cos you deserve it

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Offline cheesecake

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #16 on: February 02, 2010, 04:13:07 PM »
Am really pleased for you and your family....what a lovely idea the balloon is.

Offline Ann Stig (official SWK booking name)

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #17 on: February 02, 2010, 04:47:43 PM »
That was lovely to read Neil.....Also what John said means so much to me right now. xxx

Ann

Ps, thought you'd been quiet over the last couple of weeks.  Glad you have a bit of a social life back x

Offline rox

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #18 on: February 02, 2010, 07:16:47 PM »
Neil, I'm so pleased that you are feeling more positive for the future.  :)

That was such a lovely post and I love what you did with your gorgeous children - balloon and birthday cake, brilliant idea!

Onwards and upwards.  ;D
K x

Offline Scoobylou

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #19 on: February 02, 2010, 07:19:44 PM »
A really lovely and moving post Neil. And some equally moving replies from people who clearly genuinely care about you and the children.

Well done to all of you for coming so far.

Take care x

Offline delly

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #20 on: February 02, 2010, 08:54:00 PM »
Big hugs for all of you.

Its becoming the honourary woman thats also helped too! ;D

Offline Beverley

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #21 on: February 03, 2010, 02:48:12 PM »
I'm sorry I've only just seen this thread, so I'm sending all my loving thoughts a bit late x x x

I'm glad you had a good day and were able to celebrate and think of all the happy times in a good way.
You are a wonderful father and you have such great kids, I am very priveledged and glad to have you as a friend x

I am glad you are getting 'you' back and having a social life, you have been so strong for the kids and you deserve some fun.
I hope you have a fab time at the weekend at Stone.

Take Care x x x

Offline monkeys mom

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #22 on: February 03, 2010, 03:58:49 PM »
I can't add anything that hasn't already been said other than thank you for sharing - your posts always seem to be to support others rather than asking for anything yourself and I'm sure that knowing it gets easier to live with the memories will help many on here.

xxx
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Offline MelM

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #23 on: February 03, 2010, 04:50:52 PM »
Hi Neil
Its a traumatic journey this bereavement stuff. But its great that you and your children can see happy times ahead and there are many great adventures to be had. I am sure your wife would be/is very proud of you all.

Bestist
Melx

Offline Sharon J

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #24 on: February 03, 2010, 09:02:44 PM »
Thats brought tears to my eyes - So glad you had a good day xxxxxxxxxx
Keep smiling xx

Offline louisnadrian

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #25 on: February 03, 2010, 11:04:27 PM »
Only met you once Neil and chatted briefly on facebook,

I dont want to comment as i really cant think of what to say, apart from i read your post and would like you to know my thoughts are with you.

Your a strong man, that is obvious and your advice to me has been appreciated

Adi & Louis

(big hug)

Offline zanywoman

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Re: Turned a big corner
« Reply #26 on: April 05, 2010, 11:20:02 PM »
I'm new on this site Neil, and we've never chatted, but I just wanted to send you  a big hug and my thoughts this month.  My first husband died 14 yrs ago this year (committed suicide) and anniversaries are still tough.  The memories never fade, and I will always love him and miss him, especially as I can see him in my eldest children, but it does get easier to cope with.  I've been married again since (not succesfully, hence being on here lol) and life has certainly moved on, but he will always be in my thoughts and my heart. 

Tracey x
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