Children with special needs | Single With Kids

Special Needs and a Journey to Holland

Posted on by Chrissie Lewandowski

Becoming a parent presents us with challenges we’ve rarely been able to plan for, but what if your child is disabled or has special needs? The following poem never ceases to touch a chord – while we all tread differing paths with our children, no matter how difficult the route, each journey holds its own treasured moments:

Emily Perl Kingsley.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a
disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique
experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous
trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful
plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may
learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

A loving journey

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your
bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess
comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m
supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and
there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible,
disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just
a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new
language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than
Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath,
you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has
windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all
bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of
your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what
I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the
loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to
Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely
things … about Holland.


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tara reynolds says: May 11, 2016 at 10:57 pm

What a lovely way to express your feelings and the world we have around us,I understand fully as my daughter was born with downs syndrome and is now 22yr,and I can say she is my strawberrys and champagne and my rock

LucyG says: July 8, 2016 at 8:47 am

I can really relate to this. My son is Autistic and has global development delay. I sometimes get upset about some of the things he isn’t able to do or enjoy like other children, however he’s a beautiful boy with so much love and energy and I try to focus on all the good things about him and come to accept that Dylan my son wouldn’t be Dylan without the autism. I love him with all my heart.

Nicola ot says: August 4, 2018 at 3:57 pm

i have a beautiful 9 year old with soecial needs I love her with all my heart. I am a singleparent and find it hard to juggle everyth8ng. I have no home of our own as I live in my mums home. I dont have xontact with her dad as he is abusive. she miswes h9m amd I cant t
ake her pain away. I feel like I have failed hereveryday I cry as I am so scared her Dad will take her away she is my whole life and I love her mor than anything in the world.