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Author Topic: How do I deal with ds's distress when I go out?  (Read 2996 times)

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Offline Eils

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How do I deal with ds's distress when I go out?
« on: December 12, 2016, 09:04:26 PM »
My ds is now 6. Up until last summer I never went out in the evenings. Now I attend a choir every Wednesday evening which is the only 'me time' I get as I work full time and have sole custody. I used to wait until he was asleep before going out. However now he's older this is more difficult. I thought it best to let him know and have talked it through at length. Now he obsesses every week and counts the days until I go out again. Tonight, whilst I was in a meeting, he got so upset that he couldn't eat his dinner at a friend's house. What can I do to reassure him? Friends advise to keep going out but the level of distress it's causing is upsetting. Advice please? Thanks

Offline Blue Sky

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Re: How do I deal with ds's distress when I go out?
« Reply #1 on: December 16, 2016, 01:58:01 PM »
What does he say is worrying him about you going out?

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Offline WT4

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Re: How do I deal with ds's distress when I go out?
« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2016, 12:18:15 PM »
Separation anxiety is very common in children that have seen their family split.

Reassurance is good.  Let him know when you will be back.  Make sure you are back when you say you will be.  Remind him you came back when you said you would.

Broken record ... repeat the above ... a lot ... even for small and otherwise inconsequential times out ... to the shop for milk (for example).

Talk through the day ... at the end of every day.
Talk through the weekend ... at the end of every weekend.
Slowly introduce the concept of planning ... talk about what will happen in the near future.  You'll have to balance the need for plenty of notice with a desire to keep anxiety of stressful events at a minimum.

Good luck.
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Offline Silky

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Re: How do I deal with ds's distress when I go out?
« Reply #3 on: January 23, 2019, 11:31:48 AM »
I'd be interested to know how you resolved this Eils, I suspect you're not the only one to have this issue.

I've actually posted this question up on our Facebook page to see what our community there think too, I'm sure the answers will be useful for a number of parents.  https://www.facebook.com/SingleWithKids/
Silky x
A positive mental attitude may not solve all your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort"

Offline williamjarrett

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Re: How do I deal with ds's distress when I go out?
« Reply #4 on: February 11, 2019, 10:06:25 AM »
Treat people nicely, do creative things, have fun, and you will see that the world is exciting! Make more friends ! Avoid stressful situations!

 

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