Ask SWK: Does it always have to turn nasty with an ex? - Single with KidsSingle with Kids

Ask SWK: Does it always have to turn nasty with an ex?

Posted on by Single With Kids

A reader asks…

“I’ve had a reasonably amicable relationship with my ex since our separation, which is good for the kids. I’d love it to stay like this as long as possible. I might be worrying unnecessarily but I can’t see this continuing if I move on with my life & meet someone else. I think ex H would go mad, and the fact he is so close to my family won’t help.
Is it possible to remain on friendly terms, and get on with your life, or do things normally turn nasty? I don’t want to upset the status quo at all and worry about the kids, but do want to move on.”

Please note that replies to Ask SWK questions are from both single mums and dads, we use initials on the blog to protect our readers.

Our followers answer…

RW – “If you’re on good terms then surely he’ll want you to be happy? Get on with your life – it may not be plain sailing but he sure as hell will get on with his. Life’s too short. Just do what you feel is right for you & your kids”

CT – “Move on slowly sit down have a talk about things. X”

SD – “I think, if you have a good relationship with your ex, then to maintain that be honest and don’t spring surprises, you might be ex’s but it will still hurt when either of you move on. Bound to have moments but keep the communication lines open and hopefully you’ll ride through it. Good luck”

FM – “I’m in good friendship with my ex for love the kids”

SB – “It is possible to maintain a good working relationship with the ex and move on in your life. Weirdly, the most problems for me have been caused by the new person getting jealous.”

SJ – “Face it when or if comes , keep any new relationship away from kids until some time and if serious”

KB – “My ex and I aren’t on good terms. He’s still with his mistress and still controlling. But I’m ready for me to move on. Even if he isn’t”

LA – “Depends how controlling he is. Make sure he knows his boundaries! My experience is bad. But they’re not all like him!”

MQ – “It’s always hard when one moves on before the other..but it’s also that defining moment where any doubts over a possible re-union are gone and to really concentrate on your life. The most important thing is that you are working together on the kids happiness and that you sit down and have a chat how you both would like a new partner to be introduced to them… Some people turn nasty on the new relationship, others can be grown up about it.. You just don’t know how it will pan out, all you can do is go with your instincts.”

CD – “If things are on friendly terms now, there’s no reason for it not to continue. I didn’t have to worry about it as ex-h moved on long before I did. In fact, apart from a 20-month waste of time, I’ve been single since we split. I went to his wedding, and have had their son sleep over. As Sarah Brown says, my biggest problem whilst I was with the waste of space was him getting jealous over my good relationship with my ex-h :)”

JM – “Not worth worrying about until it happens. It is likely to be expected that you will meet someone else and the longer you have been separated, the less of a blow it will be. Chances are he may meet someone first?”

The original post is available on the Single With Kids Facebook.

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